A merry heart does good, like medicine… – Proverbs 17:22

I will start by saying that I have already been accused by close friends of violating one of the Ten Commandments. Which? Well, they say that the way I drink coffee is downright sinful. In fact, they go so far as to say that I adulterate my morning concoction by adding a little coffee to my cream and sugar! So apparently, when the Bible says, “Thou shalt not commit adultery” a few friends (they are PASTORS!) believe that coffee falls under the protection of this commandment.
Of course, since this is a humourous article, I must note that this particular pastor friend has a very dark sense of humor, at least when it comes to coffee. He likes it black – the blacker the better! And he drinks is all day long year round.
In studying the wide world of coffee we find that there are many names for types of coffee. Latte, Cappuchino, Espresso….


…and then there are the sizes you can order cups of coffee in – note, there is no small! There is regular, medium, and large or grande, venti, and uber. Anyway, what is a latte? Is that French?

And that reminds me, have you seen these vintage coffee posters?

Here is a checklist for you
to use to see if you drink too much coffee:
Your life’s goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
The only kitchen appliances you own are made by Mr. Coffee.
You speed walk in your sleep.
You haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
You sleep with your eyes open.
You lick your coffeepot clean.
You spend every vacation visiting “Maxwell House.”
You’re the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse
and you don’t even work there.
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
Your T-shirt says, “Decaffeinated coffee is the devil’s blend.”
All your kids are named “Joe”.
You don’t sweat, you percolate.
You’ve worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
Instant coffee takes too long.
When someone says. “How are you?”, you say, “Good to the last drop.”
You want to be cremated just so you
can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
You name your cats “Cream” and “Sugar.”
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
You don’t tan, you roast.
Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
You think CPR stands for “Coffee Provides Resuscitation.”
Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You can jump-start your car without cables.
People get dizzy just watching you.
Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
You short out motion detectors.
You think being called a “drip” is a compliment.
You help your dog chase its tail.
And finally…..
Do you know what’s fat and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut
2 comments
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January 3, 2010 at 4:30 pm
Lance Johnson
Actually, Phillip, I have never seen you drink coffee, only coffee-flavored dairy products, and yes that is not only the sin of adulteration, but damnable heresy.
By the way, this weekend I found another reason to avoid Starbucks. Not only is their coffee over-roasted and over-priced, they charge for WiFi! Can you believe it? They charge $3.99 for a two-hour block of WiFi. Of course, by the time I figured that out I already had my $2.50 cup of barely-drinkable coffee. (You know it is going to be bad when they don’t even ask if you want cream for your coffee. They just put it on the tray.) I could have stopped at McDonalds and gotten a good cup of coffee. There, the WiFi access is also $3.99, but the coffee is good and only costs $1.25.
January 8, 2010 at 8:12 am
phillipmway
See – my dear friend and brother Lance is a man who is serious about his coffee! It borders on religious fanatacism. I drink my coffee according to Ephesians 5. You were once darkness but now you are light!