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A merry heart does good, like medicine… – Proverbs 17:22

Today we will look at the topic of Coffee. Yes, for many, their morning cup(s) of coffee is indeed a necessary religious ritual and spiritual experience. Many cannot walk in the Spirit without the aid of a little Java. Coffee goes by many names and serves many purposes, and so we will look at a few phunnies, understanding all the while that this is a VERY SERIOUS TOPIC for many addicts, ummmm, I mean coffee drinkers.

Bottomless Pit

I will start by saying that I have already been accused by close friends of violating one of the Ten Commandments. Which? Well, they say that the way I drink coffee is downright sinful. In fact, they go so far as to say that I adulterate my morning concoction by adding a little coffee to my cream and sugar! So apparently, when the Bible says, “Thou shalt not commit adultery” a few friends (they are PASTORS!) believe that coffee falls under the protection of this commandment.

Of course, since this is a humourous article, I must note that this particular pastor friend has a very dark sense of humor, at least when it comes to coffee. He likes it black – the blacker the better! And he drinks is all day long year round.

In studying the wide world of coffee we find that there are many names for types of coffee. Latte, Cappuchino, Espresso….

Gift of Service Espress Yourself

…and then there are the sizes you can order cups of coffee in – note, there is no small! There is regular, medium, and large or grande, venti, and uber. Anyway, what is a latte? Is that French?

It Costs A Latte!

And that reminds me, have you seen these vintage coffee posters?


I Keel You!

Preferred Drink of Deacons

Here is a checklist for you
to use to see if you drink too much coffee

Your life’s goal is to amount to a hill of beans.

Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.

The only kitchen appliances you own are made by Mr. Coffee.

You speed walk in your sleep.

You haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

You sleep with your eyes open.

You lick your coffeepot clean.

You spend every vacation visiting “Maxwell House.”

You’re the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse
and you don’t even work there.

The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

Your T-shirt says, “Decaffeinated coffee is the devil’s blend.”

All your kids are named “Joe”.

You don’t sweat, you percolate.

You’ve worn out the handle on your favorite mug.

You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.

Instant coffee takes too long.

When someone says. “How are you?”, you say, “Good to the last drop.”

You want to be cremated just so you
can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.

You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.

You name your cats “Cream” and “Sugar.”

You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

You don’t tan, you roast.

Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.

You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.

You think CPR stands for “Coffee Provides Resuscitation.”

Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.

You have to watch videos in fast-forward.

Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

You can jump-start your car without cables.

People get dizzy just watching you.

Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.

You short out motion detectors.

You think being called a “drip” is a compliment.

You help your dog chase its tail.

And finally…..

Do you know what’s fat and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut


January 2010

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Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright
© 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.


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