This special reprinted edition of Phillip’s Phunnies is posted in tribute to the 2010 Winter Olympics.

You Might Be a Canadian if:

You only know three spices – salt, pepper and ketchup.

You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.

You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.

You find -40C a little chilly.

You know 4 seasons – Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.

You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.

You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.

You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.

The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page,
but requires 6 pages for sports.

You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks
and fill in the missing ‘u’s from labor, honor, and color.

You don’t know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it’s just a cheap place to travel with good cigars and no Americans.

Cold, Colder, Coldest
Temperature Conversion Guide for Canadians

50 degrees
Vancouverites try to turn on the heat
Manitobans plant gardens

40 degrees
Victorians shiver uncontrollably
Winnipeggers sunbathe

35 degrees
Italian cars won’t start
Winnipeggers drive with the windows down

32 degrees
Distilled water freezes
Winnipeg’s water gets thicker

20 degrees
Torontonians wear coats, gloves & wool hats
Manitobans throw on a t-shirt

15 degrees
Quebecers begin to evacuate the province
Manitobans go swimming

Zero degrees
Toronto landlords finally turn up the heat
Manitobans have the last cookout before it gets cold

-10 degrees
People in Vancouver cease to exist
Manitobans lick flagpoles

-20 degrees
Calgarians fly away to Mexico
Manitobans throw on a light jacket

-40 degrees
Hamilton disintegrates
Manitobans rent some videos

-60 degrees
Mt. St. Helene’s freezes
Winnipeg Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door

-80 degrees
Polar bears begin to evacuate Antarctica
Manitoban Boy Scouts postpone “winter survival” classes until it gets cold enough

-100 degrees
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole
Winnipeggers pull down their ear flaps

-173 degrees
Ethyl alcohol freezes
Manitobans get frustrated when they can’t thaw the keg

-297 degrees
Microbial life survives on dairy products
Manitoban cows complain of farmers with cold hands

-460 degrees
All atomic motion stops
Manitobans start saying “cold ’nuff for ya, eh?”

And Finally…

How do you stop bacon from curling in the frying pan?
Take away their brooms!